Getting Up Off The Floor of My Life #1

I’m getting up off the floor of my life.

I have learned to love the floor this year. Being down. Allowing myself to just be. Receiving nourishment. Receiving myself. Forgiving myself. All of it.

And what I can tell you about being on the floor is that there were many times this year when I thought I was “getting back up,” only to fall straight back on the floor.

Let me tell you. My egoic mind did not like those moments one bit.

Being on the floor this year is the medicine I needed to lose my last little bit of attachment to what I think my reality “should” be like.

And to be clear, I have had many beautiful moments this year. Turns out, the floor can be really beautiful.

But…what do I even mean by “being on the floor?” I mean that place of uncertainty, not knowing exactly where I would go. The place of feeling grief and sadness and pain move through my body. Feeling emotional waves. The feeling of, “Wait, I thought I was a woman who had a lot of momentum and enthusiasm in life … .what have I even become?” The feeling of, “Am I ever going to feel unbridled joy and excitement again?!”

On the floor, I have only been able to see a few feet ahead - I can’t see the big picture of life from there.

That’s what it has been like for me.

But…

As I drove across the country from California to Asheville, NC (my new home!) last week, I could feel something shift in a profound way. I posted on my social media, “Hey guys I think I am getting up off the floor of my life!” And as much as there was a bit of joking tone in there, there’s some truth there too.

It’s just what is happening. And it’s very slow and steady.

I am in the building new roots and the foundation phase of life. This is actually one of the spiritual locations where there is the most possibility, but I think it’s easy to lose sight of that because there is still so much uncertainty and unknown. And that can be overwhelming to a lot of people (including me).

So with all of this in mind, I feel called to write to you, my email list, and share about this next journey of “getting up off the floor.” I have no idea how often I will write about this, or for how long. It could be one week or one year. I can just feel the creative urge within me that wants to do more writing, and I want to document this journey of “getting up off the floor.” I also want to share what I learned on the floor this year, because that is JUST as important.

I think my journey of surrender this year is something we can all relate to. I think far too often, we focus on the people who are flying high in life. It’s fun to fantasize about having a life of excitement and peak experiences.

But that’s not what real life is. Real life to me is having a relationship with the floor (i.e. going down and surrendering) and a relationship with Truth such that anything could happen, and I am in relationship with IT (whatever the “it” happens to be).

Thanks for being here for the journey. It’s an honor to have you here in my space. I am looking forward to sharing more with you as this unfolds.

xoxo,

Cailin