Getting Up Off The Floor of My Life #2
Continuing this series where I am documenting what it's like to get up off the floor of my life.
I am resting. I am nesting. I am allowing. I am fully embracing winter.
This past weekend, I was with my friend Hailey in Asheville - exploring all the things, shopping, lounging, enjoying nature, cooking, and making bone broth! It was so nourishing.
She was shopping for jewelry, and I had fun watching her try on various things. And I saw some jewelry that I really loved, but it just was not true for me to buy it. I'm not in an adornment phase - I'm in a rooting and grounding phase.
There was this moment where I was standing there with a necklace I really loved, and I checked in with the energy. I could feel how beautiful it was, and how it just is not the season for me to make a purchase like that. It's so humbling to just admit that to myself. If I were to buy that for myself now, I just wouldn't be able to fully receive it.
And I think things like this can get lost in a world that says, "Oh gurlll just give it to yourself! You can have it!!" There is such nuance to that. It is no longer a breakthrough for me to just "give it to myself" - my edge right now is checking in with the energy and seeing....is this true right now? Does it have that clunk of truth I can feel in my body?
Where I can feel the clunk of truth is in buying warm fuzzy sweaters, and layers, and thermal socks! And I'm loving that journey for me. LOL.
I am embracing the season of winter more than I ever have. I am getting 9 or 10 hours of sleep a night, which just feels absolutely wild. But I am doing it effortlessly. I can feel how it's completely natural for my body in this season. I think all these years I have just been overriding the seasons and cycles of life, and it feels really good to be attuned to and in synch with nature.
Someone said to me a few weeks ago that it seems like I haven't fully moved on (meaning from the relationship and my previous life in Santa Barbara). And in the moment it stung a little - I really had to slow down to fully stay with myself. I trust that whatever is coming to me in the external world is always for me, and it's my job to sort out what's true or not.
And what happened as I sat with that over the coming days was that I found a really tender spot in me that feels mushy and uncomfortable because I am in the in-between. I have not fully stepped into a completely different reality. I am in the middle. And, there are still parts of my heart that feel very tender. As much as I don't want to admit that, it's just true.
And so, I am coming into more and more acceptance each day that I am in the in between. And that is truly a beautiful place to be. My ego does not like it and wants to skip over this part.
Rather than rushing to "figure it all out" I am listening every single day to what is true. Step by step. Moment by moment. That is how new realities get created.
Thank you for reading and being here as I create a new reality at the perfect pace for me.
xoxo,
Cailin